Things That Annoy Me: February 18th

I've started yet another ongoing series of posts, cleverly titled "Things That Annoy Me". It's about stuff that annoys me. I don't know how long this thing will be going on, but it's safe to say that it could be awhile; there's a fuckload of stuff that annoys me.

Number one: The Google ads on my blog. When I signed up for this thing, I didn't exactly read much of it. I saw the part that said "get paid", and the part that said "advertisements", and I used my Holmes-esque logic to piece together what it was trying to tell me. What I didn't realize until later was that people actually have to click on the ads for me to make any money off of it, which is kind of lame--and ties into my actual point about this whole service. Another part that I did notice was where it said "relevant to your blog". Today, I have an advertisement for private investigations in Thailand. THAILAND. Have I ever *used* the word 'Thailand' on my blog? SPOILER ALERT: no, I don't think I have. And I *know* that I filled out a profile when I signed up for this thing. If anything, the ad should be for private investigations in Bumfuck, Ontario. I fail to see how I'm ever going to make money off of these ads, or indeed how Google is going to look even remotely intelligent, unless someone happens to have both a craving for some blog-comedy* AND a cheating wife in Thailand.
*side note: "blog-comedy" is now officially called blomedy.

Number two: My mailman. Remember the good old days, when mailmen--and mailwomen, to a lesser extent--stuck to their motto: "Come rain, or sleet, or snow, etc. etc."? The other day, my mailman rang my doorbell for a solid five minutes--waking me up and thoroughly pissing me off--to tell me that I had to shovel a better path for him, leading up to my house. Now let me explain something to you. The path leading to my front door is already officially a path. If you were to look at it head-on, I could draw it for you using simple characters on my keyboard: l___l
Yea, it's already a path. But the problem for this mailman, was the fact that the part that you walk on, rather than being the stone slabs that normally comprise my walkway, was comprised of packed-down snow. Also known as easily-walked-on snow. Unfortunately I was still too asleep to actually yell at him, or make orphans of his children. So I mumbled some sort of incoherency and nodded, while closing the door. Bastard.
side note: I never did shovel that path for him. Hah, dickhead.

Step One: Global Recognition. Step Two: Global Domination

As much as I love and cherish anyone and everyone in my hometown (probably consisting almost entirely of the few I have forced at gunpoint to access, read, and laugh at my blog) who reads this, you guys just aren't enough. I need a fanbase that includes people from *actual* towns or maybe *gasp* CITIES?!
Not that I don't appreciate the people who read, and tell me how much they love me, and my blog, but mostly me. Far from it. If I could remember--or cared--what Jesus said to that Peter dude, I would say it to you.
Anyway, anyone who has an idea on how I can gain a larger fanbase, let me know. Perhaps in a comment, on this post? Comments are one way of making me feel better about all the hard work I put into this thing. Seriously, comments, guys. I know a bunch of you have read stuff, but NO COMMENTS?!?!
As of this post, it is considered mandatory for anyone who enjoys some of my writing to post a comment stating as much.
In closing: NOTICE ME, JAY PINKERTON!! VISIT MY BLOG, ROBOTMAN!!! LEND ME THE MAGIC THAT MAKES YOU AMAZING!!