Things That Annoy Me: April 20th

Superstore-related Shenanigans

1) The way in which management decides to tell me how to pick shit up off the floor. Or: "Holy shit this piece of lettuce could have KILLED SOMEONE."

This might seem somewhat nitpicky, or even make me seem like a careless worker. However, such is not the case. For you see, management-type-people at Superstore love to walk by literally a second after I've finished with a customer, and am practically still telling them to "Have a nice day" or whatever suave line pops into my head, pick something up off the floor which wasn't in my field of vision in the first place, hold it up to me and say something along the lines of "We have to pick this stuff up so our customers don't die." Then, as I'm about to reply with something along the lines of "Sorry, I couldn't even see it," or "Shut the fuck up"--depending on how I'm feeling--they toss it quite snottily in my garbage and walk away.
Well excuuuuuuuse me. I had no idea that bits of lettuce were, in actuality, deadly hazards. Look, it's a piece of fucking lettuce. Either pick it up and throw it away without the shitty attitude, or just leave it there. It's not like the thing is going to launch itself down somebody's throat and choke them to death if we leave it unchecked. And trust me, nobody but a very unlucky person with one leg is going to slip on a piece of lettuce. Even then, it would take some effort on their part.

2) Customers that complain about anything and everything. Or: "Jesus Christ man, why would you do something as stupid as hybrid parking?! And you don't have BAGS?!"

This could also be summarised as me hating it when people act like I am the official voice of the Loblaw Corporation. I don't know how, but for some reason people get the idea in their heads that if they yell at me, a lowly cashier, about the lack of bags, or the size of the bags, or the stupid hybrid parking, or the fucking weather, by the time they get out the door I will have waved my magic wand and fixed it all. Or maybe they're mad at me because, clearly, it was all MY idea. Yep. It's true. It went something like this.
"Hey Chris!" I said, strolling over to my store manager and giving him a friendly clap on the back, "I just thought of a great way to piss off EVERYONE WHO COMES IN HERE!"
"Do tell!" he replied, turning to me with excitement plastered on his face, and ignoring the Prime Minister's attempts to continue their conversation.
"First," I began, ticking off the points with my fingers, "we get rid of the normal bagging system that everyone is used to. By this I mean we ELIMINATE PLASTIC BAGS COMPLETELY!" Chris broke into a wide grin at this, so I continued, "Second, we refuse to even bag customers' groceries. That's right, they have to bring their own bags AND bag their own shit!"
"This is shaping up to be a good plan, Aden! But still, something is missing..." Chris stroked his chin thoughtfully, turning his head slightly upwards in a pensive pose.
"Oh, I've got it covered! Third, we make special parking for vehicles that NOBODY OWNS! And lastly, we put these special parking spaces as close to the building as possible!"
"But Aden, what about the parking for handicapped people?"
"Who cares?" I replied, "They're handicapped!" And we shared a hearty laugh, followed by high-fives and butt-pats.
Side note: I don't actually have a problem with handicapped people. Please don't send me any angry letters.
Also, a large chunk of the people that complain about the bags, etc. have DEFINITELY been in the store before, which is why it's just SO. DAMN. ANNOYING.
Oh, and I've never actually butt-patted my boss. Or high-fived him for that matter.

3) The hours, or lack thereof. Or: "You must have a minimum availability of four days of the week, but we're only going to give you one day. No, we don't care if that totally screws up any chance of getting decent hours at your other job."

I think the subtitle neatly sums this whole issue up, but for those who don't make a point of being up to date on my life, here's a general summary:
I work at Rogers Video and Superstore. I am available at Superstore--by necessity--Friday through Monday, and available the remaining days (Tuesday through Thursday) at Rogers. Now, this would be a sweet setup, if not for the fact that Superstore decided to give me, on average, a single shift a week. So I can't even go to Rogers and say "Hey, I only really get Saturdays at Superstore, if you want to give me more hours", because there's always the off chance that I'll actually get more than just Saturday. For instance, take this week. I had become accustomed to banking on only getting Saturday at Superstore, so I made plans for Sunday. Plans which were quickly tossed down the shitter when, to my dismay, I actually received a Sunday shift. And, Jesus Christ would you look at that, a Monday as well.
In summation, it sucks.

Non-Superstore-related Shenanigans

1) PeOpLe WhO tYpE lIkE tHiS.

I mean, come on. For fuck sake. It's not cool, it's not "edgy" or "out there", it's just fucking lame. People need to do this less. And while we're on the subject of typing...

2) ppl who do dis wen dey type

This is like every typing pet-peeve, rolled up into one convenient package. Annoying abbreviations, "gangsta"-style variations on words--obviously a necessity because typing that one extra letter that you shave off by doing so is just SO not worth not looking like a dumbass--and a distinct lack of punctuation or proper capitalization. Its provin dat dey be gangsta, rite? Tru, tru.
Only not.


Well, that just about cleans me out for this time. Actually I just forgot about the other stuff that annoys me. Check back at a later date for more of what you love.

By which I mean more of the stuff that I write.
Just making sure.